Skin on Skin

I hereby make the proud announcement that I no longer have virgin lips! The problem is, there really isn't anything to be proud of. In fact, this post will probably only prove to show how bad of a kisser I am. I'm not really sure how to approach it all so it'll be a jumbly mess anyway.

While I can't say that drex and salad's recent progress in the kissing arena is wholly unrelated, I should make it clear that Girl 1 (Note: I'll use "Girl 1" until I can come up with a better name; for those of you who know me, Girl 1 is who you think it is) and I had been tossing around the idea of kissing for several reasons.

Some of the reasons included:
-because I hadn't kissed anyone before
-because I felt inadequate and untrained; I needed lessons
-because Girl 1 has wanted to kiss me for five years
-because Girl 1 might have a magic kiss that will turn any guy straight-- hey, isn't it worth a shot??

I've rarely or never thought about kissing girls or guys. I wasn't opposed to kissing girls, though; the chance just never presented itself. I suppose I always just assumed that it would all work out well once I did it. Even since admitting to myself that I'm not attracted to girls, I've still believed that kissing would be fun.

This brings us to the scene last night: Girl 1 and I had just finished watching a movie in the back seat of her car, on the side of the road somewhere on the other side of Heber City. We were cuddling in our blankets and I decided to make a move in spite of my fears (here's where the evidence of me as a bad kisser begins). I couldn't do it though; I couldn't just plant one. So I asked her the most romantic quesion ever: "Will you teach me?" I hope you can feel my burning embarrassment as I type this.

What followed was some amount of kiss preparation that I guess they just don't show in movies: awkward conversation, repositioning of bodies, sharing of breath mints. Anyway, it eventually happened. And then I said I messed up-- so we tried it again. I sat back again on the seat (and THIS is the real evidence)-- and started crying! "Grr... I'm not supposed to cry," I said. It's hard to describe what I was feeling. After all of the fear and all of the wondering, kissing was simply... skin on skin. Or maybe even worse. It was kind of like kissing a pillow-- but maybe more like kissing a pillow where the pillowcase has some odd-looking stains on it. Kind of like that.

"Why are you crying?" she asked. I didn't have a clear answer.

"How are things ever going to work out?" I wondered out loud. Realistically, I wasn't hoping for that kiss that would turn me straight. I just wanted a kiss that would mean hope for all of my goals to marry and have a family.

All I got was a kiss that meant, "I'm sorry, it's not going to be that easy."

16 comments:

Straight+Narrow said...

The first time I kissed at girl, I remember thinking "this is really boring." My mind started to wander off and it came back just in time for me to think, "well, I ought to wrap this up before I fall asleep."

I came back and told the experience to my (straight) roommate. She told me that she hated kissing and that given the choice she'd rather not.

So, you know, maybe it's less a issue with kissing girls and more an issue with kissing.

salad said...

Well, I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted it to be, but I'm glad you had the courage to try it out.

You know that Drex really wasn't in to kissing the first time we tried it, but after a little bit of time and some really tasty lip gloss, things have improved ;)

There is a certain amount of "teaching" that needs to go into an experience like kissing, and perhaps you just need a few more lessons. Who knows?

You're great. Let me know if you need anything!

drex said...

I all but hated kissing the first time. I was like "well, great. Now there's that, and where does that put me now? I don't think I'd enjoy that with anyone."

I'm warming up to it now, and it's only been 5 days. I think one of my major holdups was my (very similar) incredible inexperience. I won't say that I look forward to kissing with bated breath every day, but it's not an unenjoyable thing anymore. And it's with a girl. Who would have thought it was possible?

I'd encourage you, if Girl 1 (Beatrice? Esmeralda? Margaret? Dora? Rikki?) is willing, to give it another shot or two. Who knows, maybe you operate like I do when it comes to kissing.

-L- said...

This post was hilarious. And sweet.

Not that I'm in any way qualified to give kissing advice, but... ;-)

I think you have to see kissing as focused on the other person. Make them enjoy it. Think about their value as a person. Think about the value and beauty of their body, as imperfect or as it may be. I mean that in a non-sexual way--everyone's body is a beautiful thing, regardless of whether they are attractive to me.

Anyway, it sounds a little silly to characterize kissing as a service project, but the less you expect and the lower your demands on what you want to get out of it, the more I think you really will get out of it.

Brady said...

Hey Calvin,

I'm glad you were able to have this experience. You're one step ahead of the game than me (well, at least in some ways). Kissing is definitely a learned art. It will no doubt get better with time.

I really enjoyed the post though, it was a fun read. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing experiment. Keep us updated!

iwonder said...

I understand your dilemma very well. I had a girlfriend for about 8 months in High school and the furthest we ever got was to the hand-holding-back-rubbing stage. She wanted to kiss me (and other stuff - she wasn't LDS), but I was too terrified, and I didn't want to lead her on - which was weird because I feel I was leading her on anyways by just going out with her and not telling her. But I was only 17 so I think that's a good excuse. Yeah, pathetic, I know.

If I tried to kiss a girl now I'd probably cry too, because I am feeling the same frustrations about family, my future, etc.

I wish you good luck on your venture into heterosexual relations. I wish I were brave enough or confidant enough to venture there too.

Gimple said...

I loved your post and I loved talking to you last night! One thing that I have found that really works with kissing, is that you need to show the person that you really do love them. Show the person that you want to be with them and that you want things to work out. If you really do love Girl 1 (Betsy?, Nicole?, Caprice?, McKenzie?, Meagan?, or Caitlin?), show her that you love her. It makes kissing all the better!

Stephen said...

In light of all the other great advice, I don't have that much, but as a firm believer in the joy of kissing, my advice is practice. I don't just mean practice the physical act, but practice trying to feel something. Start small, and work your way up. It'll probably never take you through the roof since you seem so predisposed not to like it, but it can become an enjoyable experience with some practice.

Just ask girl 1 (Alice? Samantha? Laurie? Katie?) if she'd be up for some more lessons. 4-1 she is.

Charlie said...

Didn't we decide girl 1 was "Rice"? Pretty sure we came up with that like two weeks ago. Anyway....
You haven't called mE?!? Either of you!? What!? I'm calling you now.

Samantha said...

I just have to say to Stephen:

Girl 1 is not me. And Darrin is very happy about that.

Stephen said...

Ack! Sorry Samantha! I was just throwing out random girl names, and I guess I forgot we already have a Samantha. Will you (and Darrin) ever forgive me?

My Best Is All I Have said...

You can do it!!

drex said...

And let me know how the pop rocks experiment goes. ;)

Because that could lead to other hilarious results.

John said...

Kudos to you! I've had a couple encounters with kissing with mixed results. Frankly, the only time I really enjoyed it was when I was in France. I think it was a combination of actually being attracted to the person and skill level (his, not mine... they don't call it French kissing for nothing). Anyways, give it time.

ps... it was good to meet you the other night

BigRedHammer said...

So the post is really old... but I thought it was interesting and the responses less than helpful.

When you kiss who you're supposed to kiss... it's electric.

"It's in his kiss."

--Bigredhammer

Original Mohomie said...

I just read this for the first time. I'm curious to know how the aftermath has been. Are there other posts about it? :-)