Today was amazing. My feelings were kind of a continuation of the weird things I was feeling over the weekend, except for one important difference: Today I started to understand what I was feeling.

Meeting at the stairs was, at face value, such a simple thing. Yet sitting there in the warm sun, talking completely openly with close (yes, close despite also being new) friends, made me incredibly happy. The happiness came back after the Gay-Straight Alliance Mac and Cheese party when I once again was able to spend time with people who I knew understood everything.

And walking home I realized that I felt happiness at those times because I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. After months, maybe years, of never feeling that I was acceptable, I found myself in a place where I could be me and that was okay. It feels good to have friends.


drex said...

That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! It's really interesting to me how the simple occurance of having friends, and the simple action of spending time with them, can release so much tension and make one feel so...alive, for lack of a better term. I was in the same position, where I didn't realize that I didn't have any friends that I could be completely open with that I could be my complete self around, regardless of what that self was. And I believe I've found a whole lot of people like that in the last two months, and it feels like I've known some of them forever.

I'm glad you feel comfortable and happy around us, because you certainly help us feel that way. It's been a great few days, really.

salad said...

I'm glad that you decided to contact Drex and come join our ever-growing circle of friends. The stairs were definitely fun as was the GSAMac party. We'll have to do lots more stuff.

You're great and I'm excited to get to know you better! Feel free to come over whenever you need to escape. There will be a bunch of people at my place for American Idol tonight if you want to join in the fun. Text some point I'll have to give you my number too.

Stephen said...

I'm glad that you're starting to feel comfortable and at home, I really am. I remember the first time I met these guys (and it was really only a couple weeks ago); I just felt so free. To know that everybody around you understands, or at least partially understands, is a really great feeling.

Brady said...

This post made me all warm and fuzzy inside too. It reminds me of the last few months of my life, as I've slowly crawled out of the closet. It is a very liberating and exciting experience. I'm glad I've been able to meet you and hang out with you.. it really is nice to have friends that understand. And to realize that they don't care because there's a lot more to you than just the fact that you're gay.

The Hidden Gay said...

Ha! I found you! You cannot escape!

Um, okay, so my favorite part was how ominous you made "meeting at the stairs" sound as if it's all some underground thing. :)

Ps, I should prolly apologize for being so forward in just talking openly with you on the stairs like that, and um props on adapting so well.

I guess it was just me being unaware...I talk about it all the time and clearly forgot how new all of this is for you so yeah... I lose. Sorry.

But yay acceptance! (and other things)

Ps I think you're getting behind on your payments